I am not someone who keeps up with the Kardashians or The Real Housewives or much of anything Hollywood-centric or famous-person-centric. It’s not my thing. So, when the interview Oprah did with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle aired, I had no intention of watching.

However.

I began to see posts about some of the subjects broached during the interview. I saw a lot of opinions expressed about these subjects. My interest was piqued at Meghan’s revelation that she’d had suicidal thoughts. I saw a LOT of comments on this, including “They should have kept that within the family” and “Why are they airing their dirty laundry on Oprah” and “Who cares about her mental health issues?” “How could someone who has so much have it THAT bad?”

I’ve previously written of my own battles with Depression [click here and here for my other pieces]. This is a very personal topic for me. I believe discussions about Depression and other mental illnesses are VITAL, regardless of race, financial status, standing in the community and/or any other factor. We cannot begin to erase the stigma of mental health issues until it becomes acceptable to discuss them the same way we discuss heart issues and diabetes and every other medical ailment.

“This is a very personal topic for me…discussions about Depression and other mental illnesses are VITAL”

Our Brain is an Organ

Our brain is an organ. Deficiencies in our brains are not personal weaknesses that we must overcome with willpower. It is not a simple matter of deciding to not be depressed and then forcing ourselves to follow through. I liken this to heart disease. If someone is having a heart attack, we get them medical help. We do not tell them they need to think positive until the pain goes away. We do not tell them they are weak of character. We do not judge them if they must get medical help or take medication to fight heart disease. WHY do we do this to those who need help for Depression and other mental illnesses? WHY do we shame them? WHY is it acceptable to medically treat our hearts and other organs but not our brains?

So, I watched the interview.

“We cannot begin to erase the stigma of mental health issues until it becomes acceptable to discuss them the same way we discuss heart issues and diabetes and every other medical ailment.”

We MUST Speak Up

It was absolutely relevant and important for Meghan Markle to speak out about her suicidal thoughts. Anyone who speaks out helps to reduce the stigma that exists, but as a member of the Royal Family – and all that goes with that – it was especially important that she came forward. She proves that Depression and suicidal thoughts can happen to anyone. Even a Royal.

As I watched the interview, I noted that she had done what she was supposed to do. She spoke up and told others, and she asked for help. For anyone out there reading this who has ever had suicidal thoughts, I think you will agree that her asking for help was one of the most difficult and courageous things she could have done. Depression typically has a very physical aspect to it: it feels like an elephant is sitting on your chest. Breathing is difficult. Moving is difficult. And should you somehow make it past those physical barriers, there are mental barriers to overcome. A bubble of shame is often an added restraint to hold you back. Mentally AND physically, getting off that couch is HARD. Asking for help is even harder.

Her speaking up was the exact opposite of weakness. It took SO MUCH strength.

Why don’t others speak up?

First of all, Meghan Markle DID speak up and was denied help. That in and of itself is a huge setback for any of us working to overcome our mental health illnesses. If a member of the Royal Family cannot get help, who can?

Then there are the posts others make about “keeping the door open” and that “they are available to listen.” People say they will be there for you. And I believe their intentions are genuine. But from personal experience, people get tired of hearing about negative thoughts and health problems from others after a very short time, especially if they have [conscious or unconscious] biases regarding mental illness. And quite frankly, the listening most people do is to listen with the intent to respond, quite often with the intention to offer up well-meaning advice. “Think positive.” “You have so much to be thankful for.” ” What do you have to be depressed about?” “Try a little exercise.” These sorts of “advice gems” are what keeps the stigma alive. They are based in the belief that mental illnesses are weakness-based rather than true medical issues.

Finally, someone having suicidal thoughts needs a professional. Even if someone is available 24/7, most of our friends and family are not properly trained to talk through such serious issues like suicide. If in doubt, revisit the “advice gems” in the previous paragraph.

So, the question as to why we don’t reach out to the professionals for help comes back to stigma.

“Think positive.” “You have so much to be thankful for.” “What do you have to be depressed about?” “Try a little exercise.”

~~These sorts of “advice gems” are what keeps the stigma alive. They are based in the belief that mental illnesses are weakness-based rather than true medical issues.~~

Release the Stigma

It’s tough to reach out if you have been given the message that all of this is inside your head and that you are too weak to manage your thoughts to make yourself better. When you truly believe you are broken, the shame that goes along with this disease says you cannot be fixed. When I was in this state, I did not feel comfortable reaching out for help. I thought that I might ridiculed or pitied or even locked up in a mental hospital. I worried about how it might affect my family if others were to find out how crazy I was – and I truly felt crazy. I suffered in silence. There were many times I lay in despair on my closet floor, a towel held to my mouth to muffle my sobs. I felt completely broken, unfixable, and I did not know who to turn to or even what help I needed.

Meghan talked about how she wore her public persona “mask” when she had to go out. I used to wear my own masks. Our masks are something we carry with us, things we cling to in order to fit in. They are how we hide from the stigma and pretend all is okay. Appearance is, after all, everything. These masks are how we function in public, and they are why it surprises so many when they find out how much suffering we’ve been holding in.

Yet, Meghan pushed aside her mask and DID reach out. She DID ask for help…for professional help. But, she did not receive it. Why? (Here it comes again…wait for it…) Because of the stigma attached (see the theme here?). Because the Institution that IS the Royal Family deemed suicidal thoughts to be a weakness, at least for them, and it was something to sweep under the royal rug and ignore. The reason Meghan’s interview with Oprah resonated deeply with so many is not merely because she married into the royal family and all of the curiosity that surrounds that. It is also because she is experiencing things that many ‘ordinary’ folks experience, and her speaking up gives validity to those experiences for the rest of us. Each time someone speaks out about their experience with mental health, it makes it that much easier for the next person to speak out. And once more people feel comfortable speaking out – and do so – awareness will grow, and the stigma can finally begin to fade.

When that happens, once it becomes an everyday, ordinary thing to discuss mental health issues with our doctors, shame-free, we will finally start to ask for the help we need. And that is when we begin to get professional – MEDICAL – help. This is when the real healing begins.

“Each time someone speaks out about their experience with mental health, it makes it that much easier for the next person to speak up. And once more people feel comfortable speaking up, and do so, awareness will grow, and the stigma can finally begin to fade.”

It Gets Easier the More We Share

By Meghan not keeping it in the family – by speaking up – she helps reduce the stigma attached to mental illness. She is showing that this is not something shameful or weak or something to be hidden from the public. She is no less of a person for having these thoughts, and she is certainly not broken. It doesn’t matter that she is a Royal or wealthy or that she looks healthy. What matters is that she spoke up. Our voices are powerful things, and when we use them for good, good things happen.

I have found that it gets easier each time I speak up about my own experiences, whether that be in everyday conversation, commenting on threads online, or posting in my blog. I no longer fear how I will be received. Rather, I hope that some bit of information I offer up may resonate with someone else who is either going through it, or who knows someone going through it. If my speaking up in any way helps reduce the stigma, then bring me a podium. I will not stop until the stigma is gone and we can all speak up without shame and fear of ridicule.